So I've moved to the literary dark side...

Have left prose behind the last few months and shifted my focus to poetry. It's all new and fun and exciting for me, follow this link to have a sneak peak:

http://www.creativefuture.org.uk/author/complexly-simple-2-2/

https://fierymoments.wordpress.com

Change or self or change of scene?

I recently returned to Germany with high hopes of finding inner peace while volunteering at a farm in the Bavarian forest: surrounded by striking nature, being still and reflective, breathing in fresh air and breathing out worries. That was the idea anyway- it didn't go according to plan. The reality of the situation hit me like a plunge into icy water. My illusion shattered, I reflected and fretted on the long drive back across the country to the sanctuary of my late grandma's home. I was disappointed, anxious about the future and tearful.

It took a few days of feeling sorry for myself to realise that the letdown stemmed from deep-rooted, stubborn expectations. After all, disappointment is always wrapped in high expectation. Without even realising I had done so, I had idealised the volunteering project and distorted the facts until they melted into my hands like malleable clay; until they became exactly what I was looking for in an end-of-degree change of scene.

Ironically, what I was searching for I ended up finding at my grandma's familiar place: I went for long walks in the nearby forest, I took in the soothing view of the imposing Alps; I read, stilled my mind and relaxed; above all, I breathed out some of the tensions that had been coiling deep within me and felt rejuvenated, calm and hopeful for the future. 

So although 'often a change of self is needed more than a change of scene', I think that a change of scene can sometimes facilitate a change of self; taking myself away from familiarities caused a shift within me and made appreciate what I have. As the wise old chap, Goethe once said, 'character is best formed in the stormy billows of the world'. Perhaps I wouldn't have come to this realisation had I not travelled, had a reality check, and then come to appreciate what is waiting for me at home. 

McQueen and polarity

Entering the darkly lit Savage Beauty exhibition, I was overcome with an oppressive feeling of unease, mixed with airy admiration. Cocktails of emotion like this are the centrepiece of the V&A Alexander McQueen show, with binaries of good and evil, dreams and nightmares, tame and savage running throughout his work. From delicate embellished flowers to dramatic gothic drapes of fabric, his pieces flirt with the poles on the vast spectrum of human experience. Beautifully-cut tailoring is finished off with a savage rip; womanly soft curves are cut into by brutal accessories framing their bodies; delicate feminine features are smeared with a defiant streak of blood-red lipstick. 

I felt a strange affinity to McQueen's clear display of suffering. I was stung when I at once recognised the agony in his designs as an embodiment of psychosis. The visual imagery was so powerful for me as it gave a cut and pattern to conditions such as anxiety and paranoia. It was this kind of uncomfortable reaction that McQueen sought to provoke, having once declared, "I don't want to do a cocktail party. I'd rather people left my shows and vomited." Sure enough I left with a violent swirl in my stomach, but above all I took away from the exhibition an awareness of the vitality of polarity in art. 

22: a year full of epiphanies

Having recently turned 23, I feel it's time to get deep (yay) and reflect on the pivotal year that has just passed…

1. Mystery is key
It's my nature to be open, but I often found myself regretting sharing too much with new faces, particularly re my mental health. Observing, listening and reflecting instead of mindlessly talking is the way forward. After all, "confidence is silent, insecurities are loud".

2. Never compromise on weirdness 
There aren't enough original people out there. If you have a dose of weirdness, don't at all repress it! I just surround myself with people who celebrate (or at least tolerate) the occasional out there comments, rather than being judgmental.

3. Analyse less, feel more 
Over analysing has been a habit of mine for too long now, but I've gradually become less preoccupied with the thoughts racing through my mind and more in tune with niggling, revealing feelings. 

4.  Nature really can heal 
There's something uplifting, therapeutic even, about a solo walk in the open. Headphones out, wind in hair, I feel energised by the surroundings and often have a few epiphanies along the way too.

5.  … and so can a killer lipstick 
"Can I pull off Mac's 'dark side'?", I considered. Well, why on earth not!? Call the riot police, but wearing a near-black shade to Tesco is about as naughty as it gets in final year. As my grandma's late husband once told her: "Darling, I think you're truly beautiful. But, with a dash of lipstick, you're even more beautiful to me".

6. The world is a magical place
Having become more open-minded, I'm seeing everyday life in a new light. Rather than dismissing certain happenings simply as "cray", I've embraced life's mysteries and come to notice that beyond the crowded, stressed city streets lies untapped magic that is within all of our reach.

~~~

Weirdness ~ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAmHqIGc124

Analysing/ "Becoming something" ~ http://fractalenlightenment.com/33866/life/the-mind-and-its-incessant-need-to-become-something | FractalEnlightenment.com

Magic ~ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1YKa7iWFJsA

My favourite things

I love the power of words. That moment when you think of the perfect word to fit the essence of your sentence. A speech that reaches the tip of your spine and resonates with you for a while after. The art of nonverbal communication; arms that flap like a baby bird leaving its mother's nest. Noticing that someone can't contain their smile when approaching a loved one. The look in people's eyes that encapsulates their troubles and innermost desires.When someone makes you feel something, not from their appearance or speech, but from their presence. That moment when conversation is exhausted and all that's left is the echo of silence. I love when language fails to act as a barrier between cultures or age groups. Children who express something that shows wisdom beyond their years; elders who share a story that, in a magical swirl, brings you back to their childhood. I fall in love with people and their zany ways all the time. I adore their breakdowns and their tear-stained cheeks and their wonky smiles. Human communication never fails to fascinate me.